GUNPOWDER MONKEY

MUST BE READ USING AN IRISH/SCOTTISH ACCENT AND A DASH OF AUSTRALIAN: Sitting in a bar, minding me own business, I overhear an old guy says he is looking for animals to take on a boat for a 40 day/39 night cruise. The boat leaves first light in the morning. The old guy says all expenses paid, only hitch is there are only two seats available for each animal. Lucky for me I am a party of 1. I show up the next morning, and the old man looks at me and says, whoa now fella, we don't allow guns on the boat, and you look a little intimidating. Pointing to a couple of chimps, the old man says, I have a couple of monkeys already, so just move along. I look over and there are two chimps, a couple of real vine yankers making noise and trying to sniff their booty hole finger. I look at the old guy through my one good eye, "look mate, I know I look a little scary with my patch, and my guns may make you a little uncomfortable, but if you start running out of food, and them tigers or lions start to get hungry, you're gonna wish you had reconsidered not taking along a Gunpowder Monkey." The old guy thought for a few minutes, then turned around and walked away. As the boat sailed away, I looked out and gave a nod to the chimp, thrown overboard by the old man. Everyone needs at least one Gunpowder Monkey.